Chris Ex Machina

Some Late Nite Shat

2013-05-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

I guess by this time everyone has seen the Spocklore rich Audi ad with Nimoy and Quinto. I guess that the viewership of "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" has also been steadily ticking upwards on YouTube. I think I first heard it on the Doctor Demento show back in '87 or thereabouts, and it's a nice novelty song. I've checked out the rest of Nimoy's discography and my reaction is a kind of "blech". Not horrible, but not great either.

Now if one talks about how Nimoy's ego led him astray, you are almost obligated to then discuss the many songs of William Shatner and wonder what on earth the man was thinking. Not I. I actually like a lot of his musical work, including "Mr Tambourine Man". I have a suspicion that 1968's The Transformed Man will be what future generations remember about William Shatner (if they remember him at all) and they will wonder why he wasn't appreciated in his own time. Ok, that may be a bit of a stretch, but he is worth listening to with an open mind.

It must be good, because "spoken word" usually means "pretentious crap" as far as I'm concerned.

Ray Harryhausen

2013-05-07T16:36:00.000-07:00

So Ray Harryhausen has passed at the respectable age of 92. For a long time, he was special effects. I know that even today special effects is still a tedious time consuming process, but old timey stop motion animation takes a very special kind of person.

To be honest, I always thought his work looked a little jerky and flat, even if I admired the effort put into it. I think Harryhausen tended to be a little ambitious; living statues, skeletons and things that you imagined as moving stiffly from articulated joints looked well, but he had to overdo it and constantly animated birds and flying reptiles. Not good.

Credit also had to be given to the actors who mastered the almost impossible task of crossing swords with something that wasn't there and making it look like they were fighting for their lives. I know you may have starved yourself down to 80 pounds or earned your quadruple blackbelt with sash and tassel for your art, but that doesn't make it good acting.

The movies themselves were also good. Old fashioned escapist fiction set in exotic locales. You couldn't make a Sinbad film like that today without some heavy handed moralizing about Arab and Islamic virtues, probably made to the uncouth and ignorant Sir Bubba d'Rednec.

Who Wants To Be My Speedy?

2013-04-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

When I was in kindergarten about 1975 or thereabouts, I remember the teacher spending a day with us talking about surgery. I don't know if this happened to anyone else, but the gist was that Science has discovered that we have some useless organs that do nothing but cause trouble, so I'm going to discuss what it's like when your tonsils are removed. I thought it was pretty cool because I would get the whole week off from school and eat ice cream every day. I wasn't as keen on the appendectomy lecture, but what bugged me the most was when she brought up the what ifs of dialysis and diabetes. I've never liked needles, so the idea of giving myself injections seemed just as horrible as losing a leg.

So guess what? Doctor has determined that I need to move to the next level of treatment and start injecting medication. Didn't like the idea, but the knowledge that they would be in pen form made me think that it was something I could handle. Then they arrived. I was thinking about the size of a fat fountain pen, right? Wrong! You know when you stop at Stuckey's and you get that giant pencil with a map of New Mexico on it? Yeah, about that size. Then the nurse calls and says "The starter dose is four." Then I warm up four of them and because my courage has faltered I go out to the local clinic to ask them to help and they reply "We don't do that medication, it's alien to us." And I say "It's subcutaneous, it's not like I'm asking you to jab my pineal gland." And they say "Take it to the doctor who prescribed it to you." And I say "They are all out of the office today. I wanted to do it now because I have tomorrow off so I can recuperate if I have a bad reaction. I exposed myself to ridicule by putting my white chicken legs in shorts to come out here! Fine, I'll do it myself." So with a little help from the instruction booklet and YouTube, I did.

Two thoughts popped into my head afterwards. First, being angry really cuts fear and pain. Second, in a post apocalyptic world, I'm the one pushing a propane fridge around in a wheelbarrow.

The only silver lining is that my company has really good health insurance. The market price of my medication is $6500, but I'm paying $95 a box. Given my schedule, that's about a dollar a day. Not too bad. The reality though, is that my company can offer really good insurance and retirement because they are retail, and don't expect anyone to actually buy it.

Because Everything's Better With Pirates!

2013-04-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

I never really watched much anime, or Japanimation as it was called back in the day. I watched G-Force after school but wasn't impressed, and much later watched some Dragonball Z after inquiring what a young co-worker kept blathering on about. I tried to follow it for a while, but determined that each episode consisted of about five minutes' worth of actual plot progression while the rest was take up by static views of the heroes powering up with much gritting of teeth, sweating and turning blonde. I was able to mostly make it through Gundam Wing but swore never to do so again, because it took so much concentration; lose focus for a few minutes and the whole story was lost.

I've given anime a second look though, because I've needed something in 22 minute segments with standalone episodes yet an overreaching plot line that comes to a properly planned end. Luckily, I stumbled into two excellent series, one of them being Samurai Champloo.

I've read that Japanese reserve makes acting difficult, therefore they put all their emotions into animation. It seems true in this case; young Mugen here shows some complex but common human emotions. If he's the offender, he has a "Suck it up, that's life" attitude, but if he's the one who has been wronged, only revenge will do.

Um, he's the only one who knew where the pirate treasure is. I'd want to die too.

School Shootings Are So Last Week

2013-04-19T19:50:00.001-07:00

White, Muslim, and immigrants. Looks like everyone was right and wrong in rushing to conclusions in respect to the race-religion-ethnicity of the Boston bombers. Better luck next time, and there will be a next time, because every kook loner malcontent out there is eagerly studying this latest way to go out in a blaze of notoriety. Why lock down a school or shopping mall when you can lock down a city?

P.S. Did everyone hear the uncle? That guy is a true survivor who learned early on to get in front of the mob with the pointiest pitchfork and brightest torch. Well done, sir!

Chris' News In Reviews

2013-04-12T21:55:00.000-07:00

Lot been happening in the world. Been having a slight illness problem, but I still follow current events.

On gun control: If there is nothing wrong with a background check to purchase a firearm, I don't see any problem with showing an I.D. to vote. Come on Republicans, make a link and hold the other side to it. Grow a spine already.

On the death of Baroness Thatcher and the subsequent jubilation: I remember a time when the term "English disease" meant an economic state where everyone was constantly on strike and made shoddy products on the three days they bothered to show up. (Much feared in the newly industrial parts of the world and studied intensively.) Now, as much as I admire Sir Clive and his wonderful products, it tells how low you've sunk when Margaret Thatcher gives away Spectrums as the best example of what British industry is capable of four years after becoming PM.

She also won her war. It's a lesson for those of us on the other side of the pond, especially modern Republicans who get possessed by the spectre of Woodrow Wilson and decide that they need to remake the enemy in thy own image rather than stomp the crap out of them and go home.

Her death brought out the worst of progressive misbehavior. I can't help but feel they have a real problem with women. Here you have a child of the middle class who was trained as a chemist, and they can't stand her. Weird. Anyway, she showed them that they were wrong, and they will never forgive her for it.

On King Kim of Korea: No one seems to know what he's doing. He may not either. Near as I can tell he's just trying to show everyone who's boss. The trouble is that none of these junior dictators have the sense of timing their fathers had.

If I were advising Kim, I'd tell him to get into offshore banking. Imagine the Cayman Islands with an A-bomb. I'd bet no one would bully them into giving up their account information. May be tricky explaining that banking isn't the same thing as counterfeiting though. Still, one they got it I'd bet your money would be far safer than in any free world bank.

It's Hard To Be Robin Hood...

2013-03-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

...when you look like Friar Tuck and dress like Will Scarlet.

So Hugo Chavez has passed away. I confess to knowing very little about Latin American government, but you couldn't help but hear about the Bolivarian Revolution on a pretty constant basis the last few years if you followed politics at all.

My opinion: slight dislike. I don't like the hypocrisy of those who lead coups but then complain when they get set aside (however briefly) by one. I don't like the "Blame the U.S." approach to domestic and foreign policy and the shoe thumping theatrics that goes along with it, and I especially dislike the charity approach to helping the poor.

"What's that?" you say. "How can you oppose a president using his country's fabulous oil wealth to help the poor and needy?"

A: Because it's run like a charity. You know, the ones that spend .016% of their budget actually helping the subject of the charity and the rest paying themselves handsomely and raising more funds. Chavez knew how the scam worked, and played it to the max. Of course, like most scams, the people you want to fool have done most of the work for you already. Here it is: Chavez and his Bolivarian Revolution liked to make a big deal out of helping the poor around the world (but especially in places where there was a lot of press coverage) by helping them out with things like free heating oil. So far so good, right? The catch is that Venezuela was a founding member of OPEC; they are the ones making sure the heating oil is too expensive for the poor to buy in the first place! Chavez could have helped billions of poor people around the world by breaking the OPEC cartel and allowing oil prices to drop, but didn't. No matter though, he's a swell guy anyway. Joe Kennedy says so.

The People's Hero Is Dead. Sing along-If you know what's good for ya.

Sci-Fi Comes To Life

2013-02-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

I think we all got lucky that something like this didn't happen during the Cold War.

Hello...?

2013-01-15T18:58:00.001-08:00

That was one heck of a holiday season. Sales were actually flat or slightly less than last year, but they showed an increase because of the rising price of basic foodstuffs and the continued high cost of petroleum. The company did turn a profit however, by using the standard practice of cutting hours. (If anyone talks about how the American worker is getting more productive, I think they are missing some basic points.)

To me it's getting to the point of being counterproductive. For example, we had a small increase in hours the days before Black Friday, but they were slashed the next day for Cyber Saturday. There is really no innovation anymore; the response to on-line shopping is not to meet it head on, but to give up and cut hours to save money. It's getting to the point of being ridiculous. I've written about the troubles we've had with out sewer system, and they came back this winter. The basic problem stems from the fact that the sewer line runs next to the loading area. Decades of rumbling trucks have caused a slump in the sewer line. Normally there's not too much trouble, but cold weather combined with... it's better explained with song:

That's about the right size.

...can cause material to settle and solidify in the slump. We will defend our old style toilets to our last breath, because they use enough water to push everything out of the slump and on down the line.

Anyway, the toilets began to flush slowly, then not at all. the plumbers came out and did what they could, but all left without truly fixing anything, because the toilets would back up again the next day. The last time I was in the restroom with a plumber, he flushed the toilet to see what would happen. Of course the water level in the bowl started to rise... and then stopped inches from the rim. hmm, so I pulls off the tank lid and see that the float has been adjusted so that the tank fills at most halfway, if that.

Here's what happened, although I have no proof. Some idiot says "If we use half the water we normally use every day in our stores, we can save x amount of dollars on the water bill every month. If we multiply that by y number stores and multiply that by 12 months a year, we save a number that makes me look innovative." Even bigger boss says "Make it one-third. Send out the word to the DMs."

I'm also starting to run in to Obamacare. You know that stuff about companies cutting back full time staff in order to escape health insurance costs? Yeah. It's starting to hit hard. Try telling a new employee that they can only get fifteen hours a week, they can work another job but have to be available when we need them and the schedule comes out the evening before the new work week begins. And you have to have a car. They look at you like "I can't afford to fuel a car on fifteen hours a week, much less buy one." That's when I push the employment packet across the desk and point out the insurance plan: How to Apply for Government Cheese. Because Your Company Cares. No lie. Got a hotline and everything.

Yes Virginia, You Can Run A Country On Unicorn Farts.

2012-11-07T09:55:00.002-08:00

For an election that didn't change the presidency, the House or the Senate, this was probably one of the most historic elections of all time. Ideology has now triumphed over reality. We are now a corrupt banana republic continent sized Greece, and no one cares. The people have spoken, and this is what they want, as long as someone else pays for it. If I were the Republicans, I would think for a while about making a hard step to the left, and giving America what it wants in spades, then forming a new party to clean up the mess.

Music for Halloween

2012-11-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's a day late but I felt I had to do something.

From Shawnee, Oklahoma. One of the many places across America the Oil Company accidently drilled a hole to Hell.

Halloween really snuck up on me this year. I had plenty of warning of course; I've been looking at Halloween merchandise since August, but things just haven't looked Halloweeny. The radio stations kept to their usual playlists, and I really didn't see that much on TV. (Don't watch much at all though.) The trick-or-treaters were out in force and the local zombie walk looks like it is on it's way to being a tradition. Still, there were fewer lights on, everyone was home at seven, and the local preacher didn't bother to publish his "Halloween is Satanism" (using the World Book Encyclopedia as primary reference) letter in the paper, and no one decorated.

Don't know what it is, or if it's part of a trend. I'm sure the economy, uncertainty about the future, and Sandy all played a part. On the other hand, what was once exclusive is now everyday. In entertainment, we are pretty much flooded with vampire and zombie TV shows and movies. Erotic vampire romance has taken the place of Nick Carter and Mack Bolan on the supermarket book shelf. There are also ordinary people. Pinhead used to be kind of scary, Now, well, I'm sure someone is working their way up to it as an expression of individuality. Basically, if Americans are walking around looking like extras from "Apocalyptico" everyday, you really can't dress up any more than that.

People of Wal-Mart

Disclaimer: I don't care if you are into body modification, tribalism or whatever they call it these days. It's your business. Just don't ask me for a job or to pay your unemployment when you can't get one.

I Have Had Enough Of This #^!@$ Chris On This #^!@&$ Train!

2012-10-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

As the anonymous writer of the revolutionary pamphlet Virtues of a Deep Fried Hot Pocket, Properly Aged it may come as a surprise that I am very picky about restaurant food. In fact, Gordon Ramsay would probably be telling me to keep my voice down, it's not that bad if we ever ate somewhere together, like a train.

Meals came with the sleeper ticket. Much like the sleeper compartment itself, the passenger feels obligated to use what has been paid for to the utmost. As a result, I found myself shambling towards the diner car more than once, despite knowing what was waiting for me.

First the good. portions are very large; no one goes away hungry. Second, meals come with a side salad. They were always fresh. No overly ribby lettuce, and the tomatoes had no rancidity to them whatsoever. The salad was also dry, a pleasant change from the soggy ones I often get. Third... uniforms of the dining crew were nice...?

The bad:
Seating. They have communal seating. Even if there are plenty of booths available they insist on seating four at a table. They call it part of the experience, I call it lazy. I also call it terror on the tracks. If you don't time your arrival perfectly, you could wind up by the window with no way out and no barrier between you and your boothmate.
Bread. A little under cooked, still white on top. Dry. Nice hollow sound when thumped. Breakfast biscuits the same way.
Meal One, Fish. Mushy. Served with vegetable medley. I hate side dishes that are lumped together as an afterthought. Cold. Also served with vegetarian chili. Interesting. Nice try, but if you are going to be innovative, get it right.
Meal Two, Eggs and Bacon. Think the bacon was microwaved. No much of an aroma. Ordered eggs scrambled dry, but got a plain omelette instead. Scrambled eggs are supposed to be fluffy, but they poured mixed eggs into a pan and let it cook until the bottom was done , then put it on the plate. Still jelled on top.
Meal Three, Half a Roast Chicken. Not totally fond of chicken, but I do enjoy a roasted one in a bistro setting. Rather bland, skin not crunchy. Few too many bone splinters. Green beans were cold.
Meal Four, Steak. Actually good! Too bad it took an hour and fifteen minutes to get it from the moment I sat down.
Dessert: Not freezer burned, but they had a texture which is difficult to describe. Imagine if something is very deeply frozen, then quickly thawed. It's as if the cheesecake kept the crystalline form internally despite being soft all the way through.
The Staff. Some were inattentive, others were inexperienced. Chef stewards were professional, but the rest need some help.

Overall, probably not as bad as I make it out to be. You have to take the circumstances into account, but I've eaten in places where full meals were freshly prepared in areas much smaller than the bottom deck of a train carriage. I didn't make a snobby visit to the kitchen, but I suspect the main problem is over reliance on the microwave. Cook something, then put it under glass right away; that's the main impression.

Better than airplane food I imagine, but sixteen dollars plus for a plate should get you something really good. All the trains also had snack bars on board where you could get drinks (cans, not bottles) packaged food and cold sandwiches, all pretty affordable. That is probably the future. Amtrak could do a lot to improve efficiency and reduce waste, but I imagine an outside vendor (sorry Aramark, but I hope it's not you) taking over meal services with an expanded selection in the snack bar.

Your Chamber, Sir.

2012-10-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

Accommodations are pretty snug. The sleeper cabin measures six feet long and three feet high. It's not claustrophobic though, because if the upper bunk is kept folded, there is plenty of headroom. It's definitely designed for the thinner generation of the 70's: I thought there was a nice (thoughtfully carpeted so you stuff wouldn't fall off) end table where I kept my wallet and stuff at night. Turns out they were the steps to enable the more spry member of your party to vault himself into the top bunk.

Everything is built solid. Metal and glass abound. Ergonomics are a buzzword of the future. It's kept up well, but there are the usual problems of stuff that is getting old. Speakers don't work and lights don't always come on. It's not always a bad thing though. There is supposed to be a closet in the room, but it is only a few inches wide and not very practical. The closet is missing in many rooms, and that provides the perfect space for a suitcase or bag. Biggest problem quelle horreur! is that there is only one power outlet and.. and.. NO WI-FI. You would think that's a problem considering the two-day aspect of the trip, but time moves pretty quickly.

Overall it's comfortable. During the day. At night, no. The two seats in the cabin lay flat, and a mattress that is stored on the upper bunk is put on top. The seats don't meet all the way, and the mattress is thin, so you will wake up with a backache right about the spot where there is no support. What is a gentle rocking during the day becomes violent shaking at night. Also expect a cherry "Rise and shine!" from your cabin attendant no later that 7:30 AM.

Pt.2: All Aboard!

2012-10-09T10:16:00.002-07:00

The first thing I noticed about train travel is a comparative lack of security. There were no guards at the doors, my bags were never searched and no one ever asked me for ID. If you had a valid ticket, you were good to go. In fact, they didn't have any problem with non-passengers waiting in the lounge or coming out to the train with you.

Part of this reflects good sense. What are you going to do with the train now, Mr. Terrorist? Move it back and forth after the passengers have jumped out the windows and doors? The other part is that they intentionally cultivate a "family atmosphere", in fact, the train to Dallas was 45 minutes late while they kicked off some kids for smoking weed. Cause trouble, and they stop the train. I took sensible precautions, but I never worried about leaving my stuff unattended at any time.

The bad about this casualness is that it's very confusing at times to figure out what is going on. Sometimes they scan your ticket at the door, sometimes in your room, and sometimes in the lounge. Train 20 to Chicago won't necessarily have a big "20" on the nose. Like any other mode of mass transport, the speakers don't work very well; of course I was next to the lady (my grandmother did the exact same thing) who was loudly reading the ingredients off of a Chicken McNugget sauce packet while I was straining to hear which door I was supposed to assemble at. I just acted like one of those cleaning robots that trundles along until it hits a wall: Asked the first Amtrak employee I saw which way to go and went that way until I saw another Amtrak employee. I repeated the process until I was firmly in my seat.

Next: amenities.

Chris Starts Training

2012-10-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

I wanted to look at monuments and statuary without the insane hassles which come with flying, or the exhaustion which comes with days of driving. Since my preferred method of travel, zeppelin service, is not yet available, I elected to give Amtrak a try. Here is how it went, for those of you (like me) who haven't taken that mode of travel yet and are curious.

First of all, thanks suckers! Amtrak burns through taxpayer cash faster than a solar energy startup. Of course, railheads like to point out that other forms of transportation have public funding involved as well, and they are right. Even the profitable freight lines on whose rails Amtrak has to run wouldn't be there without the public handing them large tracts of America way back when. My personal view is that infrastructure is a vital part of keeping America together and government has a role to play in that. Exactly what the role is, and how involved are subjects for debate, but like any other program, if it is offered, one should at least consider taking advantage.

With politics set aside for now, let's move on to packing. I have actually not traveled very far in the last few years, and it has been a very long time since I went anywhere in anything other than a car. Two things became very apparent to me: First, you have to be more careful about your packing. In a car, you can overdo it because it's your car. You just leave the excess stuff in the trunk or back seat. Second, the last few years have seen an upsurge in electronic devices. before I knew it, I had put in my bag the cellphone charger, the e-reader (and charger) netbook (and charger) digital camera (with case, batteries, and memory cards) DVD player (with charger and selection of movies) GPS (with charger) plus the multicard reader and connecting cables. Don't even get me started on medication. I'd no idea how much space pill bottles take up.

All told, my bag tipped the scales at about twenty pounds. My first mistake was to put it in a gym bag, figuring twenty pounds wasn't that much to carry. Wrong! When I got to DC, I switched to one of those bags with the telescoping handle and wheels. Not only do wheels make it easier to haul around, they let you take your stuff into a restroom with a urine soaked floor without getting anything messy except the wheels. A minor error was to get a hard sided case. A softside would have been easier to squish into the cabin, and the extra zippered compartments would have been useful. Still, the hard case kept everything safe, and it is a snap to clean.

Second mistake was to cram everything into one bag. While on layover in Chicago, I put my bag in storage, which left me having to carry camera and e-reader in my hands. My moment of panic was when I returned to the lounge and realized I'd left my Kindle in the restroom. Amazingly, it was still there when I raced back, but it underscored the necessity of having something to keep your vital stuff with you as well as freeing up your hands.

Next: Train Inspection

Then And Now

2012-09-10T19:08:00.001-07:00

A year ago, I had a filling pop out. While we were waiting for everything to go numb, I asked Dr. E. about how healthcare reform was going to affect dentistry. He replied that dentistry was such a small part of the healthcare pie it wasn't even on the radar.

I have quite a few amalgam fillings, and I usually have to get one of them repaired every now and then. The rule so far has been to watch for as long as possible, then fix when a crack starts to grow or darken. I was therefore a bit surprised when the Dr. walked in and said "Let's schedule an appointment to do all of your maintenance work that needs to be done before your insurance re-ups in December." I of course inquired as to the sense of urgency. Apparently in order to meet the demands of healthcare reform, the insurance industry is going to start shifting money away from dental and vision towards health proper.

At the moment, this is simply an interesting factoid. There's nothing else really to say about it; dental was a part of the company healthcare package and like any good parasite I'm going to exploit anything that's free. It's just that I can't shake this sense of foreboding, like my next filling will be inspired by a an Iron Curtain propaganda pamphlet.

Pet Peeve Of The Week:

2012-09-04T21:45:00.002-07:00

Stud finders. I have never, ever been able to find a stud with either the cheap magnet-on-a-rocker type or the expensive type that looks like a handheld video game from the 80's. I think they are all voodoo crap. I would have been better served walking along the wall with a forked branch.

X-Mas Is Here

2012-08-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

At least the toys are. Started unloading them this week. Most are rather banal, but some make a stab at education:

That's pretty nice. Cool, educational. We get a series of Smithsonian toys every year which cover a range of educational subjects. Better read the fine print:

Little Cletus mite be disappointed with his gift not having them Mars germs and all.

What an outrage. I'm going to call my betters in Congress and have them do something about it.

False Flag! It's A False Flag Operation!

2012-08-02T11:12:00.002-07:00

I guess by this time everyone has seen the video of a jerk giving the window girl at Chick-fil-A a hard time.

It tastes good not because it's free, but because it's been filtered through Christian values.

This is so much of a farce, you wonder if it has to be part of a joke. Regardless, it shows how the liberal left has become it's own worst enemy.

I admire how she handles him; she repeats the company line in a fairly calm manner. Not me. My defense mechanism in such a situation is to start an uninterrupted discourse of all the foolish mistakes the company has made followed by a lecture of how I personally have been wronged... Wronged! by the corporate suits. Works every time. They sympathize with your plight and leave the store promising to do whatever it takes to get you a raise.

I have to be careful though. Last week the big boss went to a meeting where the bigger boss announced that spies had been working the stores in the district photographing everyone at work "..and why don't we dim the lights and look at the slides now?" My DM immediately looks for a window to throw himself out of when yours truly pops up on a slide, and is pointed out as an example of the company work ethos. My secret? Always have something in your hand, and perfect the retail version of Zoolander's "Magnum". A focused look, but never questioning. You are the master of the data, and it amuses you. Slightly. I've spent months walking around a store with a sheaf of green and white computer paper on a clipboard and absolutely no idea what to do with it. Of course it all comes around, so I've walked into offices where the manager has been writing gibberish for years with no one finding out.

Redneck Logging

2012-07-31T18:20:00.001-07:00

Like there's any other kind.

Had a tree die from the heat. Not sure of the exact type, but it was one of the *berry trees which are basically giant weeds. They grow fast, always where you don't want them and have the habit of rotting very quickly when they do expire.

The idea of me up on a ladder holding a chainsaw with property very close has all the hallmarks of a farce somewhere between "America's Funniest Home Videos" and "Faces of Death" so I called an expert, if an expert is described as a friend of a friend who needs some money, but not too much.

Sherm did a pretty good job. He cut the stump off level so it could be used as a pot holder, and didn't trample the plants that were in the flowerbed around the base. Part of the contract stipulated removal of the debris, and I didn't see a pickup, so when I went out and saw bare ground with him carrying branches into the alley, I was sure there had been a miscommunication.

No worries though.

Yep. All the way to the front.

Apparently he's just going to leave it there and burn it as he needs it.

Quickly Dr. Oldman! To The Aerodrome And Nova Zemlya!

2012-07-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have no idea about the fashon world and thought Prada was a bureau of the Russian government. The glimpses of fashion shows that I've seen look rather silly to me with the men's fashions appearing especially namby-pamby.

Not this though. This I want.

I'm going to have to change my lottery prayer from "Dear lottery fairy, if I win I'll make sure little Timmy gets his operation" yadda, yadda yadda to "I'll make sure all my friends and family are dressed in the Prada 2012 fall collection."

Just A Random Thought

2012-07-23T09:41:00.001-07:00

This will seem sick and insensitive, but let's be thankful the Aurora shooter only had guns. Imagine the carnage if he had his PhD in neuroscience before pulling a Joker and wanting to "see the world burn."

This is one of the things that does worry me. Technology is progressing in leaps and bounds and it's only a matter of time before someone cooks up a virus or toxin in his or her basement lab. Actually, I think it's a testament to the goodness or laziness of mankind that it hasn't happened on a wider scale by now.

Two other thoughts: I hope the "humans are a cancer on the Earth" types start getting their due attention. I fear them more than I fear Islamic radicals, Christianists or the Tea Party. Second, all those James Bond movies where the villain is plotting the end of millions don't seem like fantastic escapist fiction anymore.

Brains Get No Respect

2012-07-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Power out in Maryland, fires in Colorado, drought here (again) and hardcore Islamists in charge in Egypt and Mali. What to do? For me, the big decision is whether to press on with the second season of Lexx. I'd grown rather fond of the Divine Predecessors:

but now that they've been squished, eaten, and blow'd up, I'm wondering if there is any reason to go forward.

P.S. Ever noticed that there is now a sort of standard brain accent? It's a lot like a ghost accent with the groaning replaced by bombast.

Well, Just Be The Best Soylent Green You Can Be

2012-06-29T11:36:00.001-07:00

The first casualty of the Supreme Court not overturning Obamacare is poor Virginia. She's terrified that the next step is a summons from the Star Chamber of Health consisting of Ron Gettelfinger, Van Jones, John Holdren, a Dutch doctor, and an administrator for the NHS.

Things I've Learned from GENE RODDENBERRY'S CHESS SET

2012-06-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

How to make a Roddenberry Sandwich:

Take:
One Entertainment Producer (Executive may be substituted)
Lay across lap of Entertainment Producer:
One Naked Hollywood Starlet
Balance on ass of Naked Hollywood Starlet:
GENE RODDENBERRY'S CHESS SET
Garnish with:
Two lines of Blow

Serve with copious amounts of alcohol.