Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I've Been:

Mourning Pete Seeger.

No, not really.  He's another one of those important personages that I should really have known about, but didn't until all of the accolades at the time of his death.  I spent a lot of the 70's listening to his music and while I enjoyed it's folksy charm as a kid it does tend to grate lightly today.

A lot of the debate around the time of his death concerns just how much of a communist he was.  Seems to me his intentions were pure, but like most useful idiots he didn't let details cloud his dreams.  Of course, given the recent revelation that the CIA funded Abstract Expressionism it's a good bet he was a useful idiot to them as well, but then again I don't know much about the guy.

Monday, February 3, 2014

What Has Chris Been Doing?

I've been fighting crime:

In all my retail years, I've never actually been robbed.  Every now and then, twenty or thirty dollars will disappear, but more often than not it somehow finds it's way back.  In fact, I'm not so worried about it that when we were $300 short my action was to send a text to the person who went to the bank reminding her to lock her doors because she went home with a bag of change and I'll see you in the morning.

Day two: the cover up begins.
Big oops.  The next day no one has the money but I've already reported us coming up even.  This is a problem because if we report to loss prevention like we should have, I get put under the spotlight.  We'll have to solve this ourselves.

Day three: discovery.
I spent the next day combing through videotape.  I notice one of the checkers is acting suspiciously and take detailed notes. ( 14:35:21 suspect looks around suspiciously for no reason is a suspicious manner. There is a whole notebook like this.)  Odd thing happens though: we are another $300 short, and it's only happened in the last hour, after I've started counting money in the office.  Therefore I roll back the office tape and see the above.  Geoffery no!  Why did it have to be the black guy?
The back office has a security door, but as in many cases, the door doesn't fit the frame very well and the frame itself is held on by a few finishing nails.  Heck, the whole office is a Sheetrock shack with a two foot gap at the top.  All you have to do is give the handle a sharp tug and it pops right open.
That kind of let me know he's done this sort of thing before.  He knows the weaknesses of doors, and he had the skill to grab an even amount of money.  Like most criminals, he lacks smarts in certain areas, like looking up and seeing himself grabbing money on that security monitor in the upper left.

Day four: resolution.
The only thing that saved the situation is that it was now Sunday and he was sleeping in rather than out and spending company money.  I was able to wake him up and get him to bring the money back with a combination of threat (Police will be there in ten minutes if you aren't here in that time.) and dealmaking (Bring it back and we say nothing to anyone.)  The only sweat situation was that like all of them, he insists that he didn't do it and demands to see the tape.  Doing so puts me in a position that sets me up for the perfect sucker punch if he chooses to do so, but he didn't, so whew.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

My Life In One Minute

Great ideas, lousy execution.

Somehow this week I've stumbled upon two movies having to deal with undead Nazis defending their ill gotten hoard of gold.  The first was Italian and incoherent, but the second, Dead Snow, is very much in the vein of The Evil Dead.  I'm not a huge horror fan, but I understand how excessive gore can be so silly it becomes funny.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Internet Doesn't Have Everything

I know this because I've been looking all night (about fifteen minutes really) for a picture of a plane big enough and on fire enough and heading at the ground at a steep enough angle to represent Miley Cyrus' career. Something like a Torrey Canyon with wings.

Actually I have a rather dim awareness of who Miley Cyrus actually is.  I know she's the daughter of the guy who brought mullets to their logical sad conclusion, and I know she had a children's show which was about her being famous before she was famous and going undercover as someone less famous or something that no one could ever explain to me.  I know the Disney crew are famous for their hijinks when they grow up, but this is a whole new set of weird.  The pictures are crossing my desk, and I'm not sure what to make of them.  Did her tongue hang out to the side all night long?  Didn't any of those teddy bears try to do something?   Did she shave her head?  Didn't someone else do that?

Could it be aliens?  I know back in the 80's they were all about stealing cow organs, but what if they've graduated to brains?  What if something terrible has happened to the aliens and we are now faced with the double threat of technologically advanced zombies? Even worse, what if the Disney kids are our shock troops?

There was a show at the start of the 70's called UFO.  Besides being the the manliest show ever put on TV, it had an interesting plot device: their secret S.H.A.D.O. base was in a television studio.  That way, strange events would be ignored by the general public as props.  But let's put on our Dan Brown hats for a second.  What if, just like Hanna Montana, the cover story in the show was a clever cover of actuality?  God knows they can't sing, so what are young people doing jetting around the world with tons of equipment and strange clothing?  Could their going bonkers be the result of witnessing unspeakable horrors?  Give it some thought.  I'll let Lindsey have the last word.

Don't be silly.  There's no such thing as a lesbo-ray.

Got one with a bazooka from about two feet away.  Didn't have time to change.

Friday, August 2, 2013

I Call This Move The 360

I still love a good old fashioned photo essay.  The Atlantic has some very good ones, including this series on the protests that were breaking out everywhere before the weather just turned too darned hot.  Looking through them, I wonder if protesters have always been this way: for many, protesting seems to be mostly about exhibitionism and free stuff.

1)  Quiet and dignified.  The way a protest should be.
2)  Sparky!  Notice head protection is getting more elaborate.
3)  So much for that smart diplomacy.  Notice the center guy.  Even in Africa it is all about the Joooooos!
4)  You know, that's kinda artistic.
5, 6, 7)  I didn't even know there were protests in Bulgaria.
8)  Do people even know who Guy Fawkes is, or what he did?  So often protests look more like the trendy thing to do.
9, 10)  My absolute favorite photos.  Bet you didn't know Anderson Cooper puts on a spray tan and goes to Europe to beat up hippies, did you?
11)  Students.  Righhht.  After a certain amount of time, a middle aged "student" should be forced to get a job and pay into the system he despises.
12)  That's a good shot.  Don't cross the water cannon.

Let's start speeding through this.  Flames, bloody shirts, and riot police.

19)  Try for a little more dignity with your anger, like 13.
21)  Again, a big helping of dignity helps your cause with Chris.  The Buddhists seem to be more rational in their protests, but then we get 43.
23)  You ride naked to "highlight the dangers".  No you don't.  You want an excuse to be naked in public.  Having someone else pay for your bike lane is secondary.  At least you aren't 25.
25)  Trying to justify some serious problems by linking it to animal rights.  This group are the last people I would allow around animals.  Or children.
44)  Egyptian protesters.  I have to say I'm surprised.  I never thought anyone in the Middle East would rise up against an Islamic government.  I guess Egyptians know the problems they face can't be solved with a degree in Islamic studies.
36)  The worst problem that the progressive left has today is the view that if you don't get your way, you are entitled to be disruptive.  The heckler's veto isn't democracy in action.  When your freedom of speech interferes with someone else's freedom of assembly, you are in the wrong.
37)  Some artist should put together a photo book of people being hit by water cannon.
39)  This is such a great shot it must be staged.  Sinister and appealing at the same time.  Love the browns and yellows.  The untied sneaker is a nice touch.
40)  Brazilians protesting against a soccer stadium.  That's more radical than Arabs protesting an Islamic government.

Super Cooper

Saturday, July 13, 2013

The Fine Art Of Squeezing Blood From A Turnip

For sale:  One 1990 Pontiac Bonniville.  Needs a mass airflow sensor, ball joint, rack and pinion.  Probably needs new mounts while you are at it.  Has an even quarter million miles.  Worst thing about it has to be the sharp spring in the seat which jabs the unsuspecting square in the butt.
No, I take that back.  major flaw of this fine automobile which sold for $19,000 back in the day has to be the crack in the windscreen which runs across the glass exactly at eye level.

But you still want it.  Because it's Texas, and it's July.  The one thing this car has that it's rival in the driveway across the street doesn't have is a fully charged one year old air conditioner.  And to assist that refrigerated air on it's way to your face is a brand new fan.  The drivers side power window also goes up and down.

I'm actually sorry to see the old girl go.  I know it's probably survivor bias, but the modern cars with their poo-poo'ed electronics sure seem to be more reliable than any of the vehicles I rode in through the 80's.  However, the last trip to the mechanic ended with him saying "DON'T SPEND ANOTHER DIME!" (Before charging me $44 dollars to say that, of course.)   I stuck with it through the hundred dollar blues, but we're starting to move into the thousand dollar blues stage.

Be a fine car for putting around town in though.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

So I Saw The Preview For "Kick Ass 2" Today

And was all "Hooray!"  Then I saw Jim Carrey and was all "Uhhhh..."
Carrey is one of those actors who has played the same manic character over and over again his whole career, and it never really jibed with me.  He can be good at it, but sometimes for the wrong reason.  The Cable Guy really terrified me; Carrey can be unsettling with his crazy.

I thought about it more and remembered that Carrey has some experience in comic book movies and felt a little better about it, then realized that the good thing about The Mask was Cameron Diaz and the good thing about Batman Forever was Tommy Lee Jones.  On the other hand, Kick Ass was the superhero movie Nicolas Cage should have been making all along, so fingers crossed.