Saturday, August 7, 2010

Tell Them the Great Frog is Dead!

  A couple of blocks away is an empty field.  It used to have houses, but they are long gone, leaving only the streets around it and bisecting it.  Smack in the middle of this field is a ditch.  It's deep and shaded enough to hold water a good way into the summer, year round if it rains enough, but the block itself is dry enough to be almost grass free.  Somehow a frog, probably one of a thousand, was able to cross this amphibian wasteland and stumble into this pool, where he carved out a tiny home for himself.  We called him King Frog because he was the biggest thing there and sat on a piece of concrete which overlooked his kingdom.  The dogs knew he was there, but were so noisy in their approach that he always had plenty of time to hide.  The cats are a much different story.  For them, a walk isn't so much exercise as it is patrol.  Usually they only come with us a certain distance then stop and wait with drooped tails for our return.  This time they came with us all they way, but they stayed close and their tails had a certain fluffiness to them.  Apparently someone went back last night, for this morning the much colder body of King Frog was on the front porch.

  I had no idea that cats would take anything.  I've seen more bats in the past year than I have in my whole life.  (Bat viewing places excluded.)  I thought the Inquisition had burned all the horny toads because they had horns and could squirt blood from their eyes.  Nope, still all over the place.  I understand cats can be a valuable research tool, based on what they bring home, but I had no idea one cat was worth a whole class of grad students.

  Anyway, King Frog is dead.  Speaking of clammy pale skin, I hope King Frog met his lion with more dignity than Jonathan met his.

  Hey, if I were to walk up facing you and say "run to the left,"  do you think would I be talking about my left or your left?  Listen,  I've got to tell you something... we've done this a few times before and it didn't work out so well.  Were going to try a different tack; I've bribed one of the guards with a handful of Chuck E. Cheese tokens so...  just a sec.  I can see myself in the stands and I'm waving to the left.  Great.  You are going to face a lion.  Wait, we've had this conversation before,  I'm the only one who can operate the time machine so I have to live.  You can do this!  I'm still not any good, this thing just wobbles through the sky but it would help if you wouldn't drop everything and run in a circle flapping your arms.  Try to go in a straight line  or veer a little left. Remember there's no ASPCA here so the lion is going to have been in a cramped cage for months and is probably sick, and so are most of these people.  You can intimidate him so tighten your sandals and get out there.  We're up! 

  Sorry.  Ran into him for the first time in four years yesterday and just had to do it.


  1. I have to ask, where is that quoted text from? It's hilarious, and I feel the need to read more of it.

    Ya'll keep a nice blog here, good stuff. Keep writing.

  2. It isn't from anyone else -- all him. You think it's funny in print, you ought to be there when he fires one off in person.