Thursday, May 26, 2011

Repent! Harold Camping Was Right!

Duke Nukem Forever has actually been made and will be in stores this June. It's been in development hell longer than the new Conan movie and will suck just as much.

Duke Nukem 3D was one of those games which came out and "changed everything" in terms of humor and interactivity in games, and the creators were set for another home run when they announced another game in 1997. They wanted something as revolutionary as Duke Nukem 3D, but they kept getting leapfrogged by technology. They would make an announcement about graphics, interactivity, story... and and someone else's game would do it better. So they kept going back to the drawing board.

As a result, Duke Nukem Forever, along with Daikatana, became a running joke in the industrial-gamer complex. I used it to explain the slowly tanking US economy to friends.

1) Daikatana is going to be released real soon.

2) The Government goes ahead and spends the tax money it will get from Daikatana before it is even released.

3) They believe ION Storm (developer) when they say Daikatana will sell a million copies, and Daikatana II will sell two million. They spend accordingly.

4) They praise the wise economic policies of President Bill Clinton which will enable Daikatana III to sell four million copies. They spend accordingly.

5) Someone notices ION Storm isn't doing anything. At all. They just sit around the office eating junk food. Government spends the tax money it will get from the eight million copies of Daikatana IV anyway.

6) Daikatana isn't done yet and the bills are due. Everything starts to collapse.

7) Democrats accuse new President Bush of allowing his cronies at ION Storm to rob millions of dollars. Point out that if President Clinton were here, we would be wondering where to spend the tax revenue from the sale of sixteen million copies of Daikatana V.