My Life In One Minute

Great ideas, lousy execution.

Somehow this week I've stumbled upon two movies having to deal with undead Nazis defending their ill gotten hoard of gold.  The first was Italian and incoherent, but the second, Dead Snow, is very much in the vein of The Evil Dead.  I'm not a huge horror fan, but I understand how excessive gore can be so silly it becomes funny.

The Internet Doesn't Have Everything

I know this because I've been looking all night (about fifteen minutes really) for a picture of a plane big enough and on fire enough and heading at the ground at a steep enough angle to represent Miley Cyrus' career. Something like a Torrey Canyon with wings.

Actually I have a rather dim awareness of who Miley Cyrus actually is.  I know she's the daughter of the guy who brought mullets to their logical sad conclusion, and I know she had a children's show which was about her being famous before she was famous and going undercover as someone less famous or something that no one could ever explain to me.  I know the Disney crew are famous for their hijinks when they grow up, but this is a whole new set of weird.  The pictures are crossing my desk, and I'm not sure what to make of them.  Did her tongue hang out to the side all night long?  Didn't any of those teddy bears try to do something?   Did she shave her head?  Didn't someone else do that?

Could it be aliens?  I know back in the 80's they were all about stealing cow organs, but what if they've graduated to brains?  What if something terrible has happened to the aliens and we are now faced with the double threat of technologically advanced zombies? Even worse, what if the Disney kids are our shock troops?

There was a show at the start of the 70's called UFO.  Besides being the the manliest show ever put on TV, it had an interesting plot device: their secret S.H.A.D.O. base was in a television studio.  That way, strange events would be ignored by the general public as props.  But let's put on our Dan Brown hats for a second.  What if, just like Hanna Montana, the cover story in the show was a clever cover of actuality?  God knows they can't sing, so what are young people doing jetting around the world with tons of equipment and strange clothing?  Could their going bonkers be the result of witnessing unspeakable horrors?  Give it some thought.  I'll let Lindsey have the last word.

Don't be silly.  There's no such thing as a lesbo-ray.

Got one with a bazooka from about two feet away.  Didn't have time to change.

I Call This Move The 360

I still love a good old fashioned photo essay.  The Atlantic has some very good ones, including this series on the protests that were breaking out everywhere before the weather just turned too darned hot.  Looking through them, I wonder if protesters have always been this way: for many, protesting seems to be mostly about exhibitionism and free stuff.

1)  Quiet and dignified.  The way a protest should be.
2)  Sparky!  Notice head protection is getting more elaborate.
3)  So much for that smart diplomacy.  Notice the center guy.  Even in Africa it is all about the Joooooos!
4)  You know, that's kinda artistic.
5, 6, 7)  I didn't even know there were protests in Bulgaria.
8)  Do people even know who Guy Fawkes is, or what he did?  So often protests look more like the trendy thing to do.
9, 10)  My absolute favorite photos.  Bet you didn't know Anderson Cooper puts on a spray tan and goes to Europe to beat up hippies, did you?
11)  Students.  Righhht.  After a certain amount of time, a middle aged "student" should be forced to get a job and pay into the system he despises.
12)  That's a good shot.  Don't cross the water cannon.

Let's start speeding through this.  Flames, bloody shirts, and riot police.

19)  Try for a little more dignity with your anger, like 13.
21)  Again, a big helping of dignity helps your cause with Chris.  The Buddhists seem to be more rational in their protests, but then we get 43.
23)  You ride naked to "highlight the dangers".  No you don't.  You want an excuse to be naked in public.  Having someone else pay for your bike lane is secondary.  At least you aren't 25.
25)  Trying to justify some serious problems by linking it to animal rights.  This group are the last people I would allow around animals.  Or children.
44)  Egyptian protesters.  I have to say I'm surprised.  I never thought anyone in the Middle East would rise up against an Islamic government.  I guess Egyptians know the problems they face can't be solved with a degree in Islamic studies.
36)  The worst problem that the progressive left has today is the view that if you don't get your way, you are entitled to be disruptive.  The heckler's veto isn't democracy in action.  When your freedom of speech interferes with someone else's freedom of assembly, you are in the wrong.
37)  Some artist should put together a photo book of people being hit by water cannon.
39)  This is such a great shot it must be staged.  Sinister and appealing at the same time.  Love the browns and yellows.  The untied sneaker is a nice touch.
40)  Brazilians protesting against a soccer stadium.  That's more radical than Arabs protesting an Islamic government.



Super Cooper

The Fine Art Of Squeezing Blood From A Turnip

For sale:  One 1990 Pontiac Bonniville.  Needs a mass airflow sensor, ball joint, rack and pinion.  Probably needs new mounts while you are at it.  Has an even quarter million miles.  Worst thing about it has to be the sharp spring in the seat which jabs the unsuspecting square in the butt.
No, I take that back.  major flaw of this fine automobile which sold for $19,000 back in the day has to be the crack in the windscreen which runs across the glass exactly at eye level.

But you still want it.  Because it's Texas, and it's July.  The one thing this car has that it's rival in the driveway across the street doesn't have is a fully charged one year old air conditioner.  And to assist that refrigerated air on it's way to your face is a brand new fan.  The drivers side power window also goes up and down.

I'm actually sorry to see the old girl go.  I know it's probably survivor bias, but the modern cars with their poo-poo'ed electronics sure seem to be more reliable than any of the vehicles I rode in through the 80's.  However, the last trip to the mechanic ended with him saying "DON'T SPEND ANOTHER DIME!" (Before charging me $44 dollars to say that, of course.)   I stuck with it through the hundred dollar blues, but we're starting to move into the thousand dollar blues stage.

Be a fine car for putting around town in though.

So I Saw The Preview For "Kick Ass 2" Today

And was all "Hooray!"  Then I saw Jim Carrey and was all "Uhhhh..."
Carrey is one of those actors who has played the same manic character over and over again his whole career, and it never really jibed with me.  He can be good at it, but sometimes for the wrong reason.  The Cable Guy really terrified me; Carrey can be unsettling with his crazy.

I thought about it more and remembered that Carrey has some experience in comic book movies and felt a little better about it, then realized that the good thing about The Mask was Cameron Diaz and the good thing about Batman Forever was Tommy Lee Jones.  On the other hand, Kick Ass was the superhero movie Nicolas Cage should have been making all along, so fingers crossed.

For Reals?

Although it's a retail giant, the company I work for operates on the smaller scale like the others of it's type which took the place of the old five and dime stores: the Dollar Tree, Dollar General, Family Dollar, $-Mart, Walgreen's, etc.  Because they have so much in common, what affects one will happen to the others quickly. One can thus imagine my rapt attention when I read that the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission was suing Dollar General for..  wait for it...

Conducting criminal background checks.  Yeah, can't check to see if that guy or gal you leave alone with a safe full of money or easily transported merchandise has a criminal background because that might be...  wait for it...

Racist.  Now no one, not even the administration says that Dollar General is using the background checks as an excuse to exclude people because of race.  They maintain that such checks have a disproportionate impact on the African-American community, therefore shouldn't be done.  Just when you thought there could be no more madness.  Some random thoughts:

• African-Americans aren't going to get that job anyway.  I imagine Dollar General would like the abolishment of any sort of border control or check of immigration status.  The cost of labor sticks in the craw of these companies and they would all dearly love to see a flood of cheap workers all willing to drive wages down.  That itself is nonsensical, because if your own workers can't buy your stuff (which is being manufactured as cheaply as possible) who can?  It's Dollar General.  It serves a certain socioeconomic level.  Come on.
• On the other hand, if you want the government to do something for you, better be prepared to give his  ne'er-do-well constituency something in return.
• Even if the lawsuit fails, and it very well could, it's still a huge waste of time and money for all involved.    Stop wasting money!
• You know, I don't think this administration really understands what money is.  Even those who funded it made their billions on paper, so they think it can be conjured out of the digital aether. The Chicago machine is funded by shaking down companies and that cash never seems to run out.  It's just a lowly clerk.  A few hundred a night won't hurt anything.
• God help us if the EEOC wins.  Imagine if it were illegal to check the record of a teacher, or a nurse, or the lady cleaning your house.  Whoever hired them would still be responsible for their actions though.  Just the price of doing business.  You've got unlimited funds to share.  The government says so.

From Those Who Brought You Smart Diplomacy

We present Smart Spying.

Every secret we possess seems to waltz out the security equivalent of a wide open screen door with a hole in it.  The only saving grace is that the Russians and Chinese must think we are playing them for fools.  Or are we?  A high school dropout abandons his $200,000 job, life in Hawaii, and super hot stripper girlfriend to seek asylum in...  Hong Kong?  I have no idea what to think.  Authoritarian governments probably don't either.