Get Pyst If You Can Find It. Much Better.

Yes, it's Myst the novel.  All 466 pages.

Sadly enough, Myst was one of four games I payed full price for.  The other three were Interstate '76, Afterlife, and a really forgettable Tomb Raider clone.  Of course, that is the result of me using Newsweek reviews for my gaming information in the early days.

Back to Myst.  I thought it was pretty, and I understand that many people just love it, but even with a cheat guide, I was too bored to progress much past the island itself.  So now they went and wrote a novel.  It can't be that good, because it's $1.25.  For 466 pages. 

Now for all I know it might be superb. My problem with this book, and so many others, is th' us'e of th'e a'post'rop'he to an' ex'cess'ive ex't'ent to fa'ke an alie'n lan'gu'ag'e.  I don't like stuttering while reading to myself.  I guess this will have to go on the unread shelf along with A Day in the Life of a Moon Rock and Clam: The Untold Story of that Icelandic Bivalve Dredged up in 2007.

Of course, if you can't make it through Myst, there are more action packed game based books out there:

You'll need MMX technology in your glasses

Against Kirk-Fu, No Defense

But it's pretty hard on the user as well. Lawdog broke his pinkie doing the Interlaced Overhead Hammer Chop a few days ago.  Beats breaking a rib or shoulder doing the Flying Feet to the Chest signature move.  What he needs now is a new style.  After careful consideration and review, I've decided that  Buck Rogers style is probably best.  (Since shooting them according to the tao of Solo isn't permitted yet.)  With Buck, there are a few judo throws here and there, but it's mostly kicks with one foot firmly on the ground and the other foot never rising high enough to crack the kicker in half.  Nice and safe.  Buck can also throw down the dance moves, which defuses any combat situation by impressing an opponent with your speed and coordination.

Pick out your best horns Darling while I get my dancing sash.

Found this one by accident while searching.  Must have blocked it out.

Yo!  Draconian Empire!  You've been served.

No wonder Princess Ardala figured she could take the Earth with one capital ship and Henry Silva.

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The Internet Smells Of Ozone And Tastes Like Mildew

So I've been having some internet connection problems, especially during bad weather. It's odd, because storms haven't caused much disruption in the past, but the periods of internet outage were growing longer and longer. I did what I could, then called the provider, who assured me that everything was OK on his end. I was plugging and unplugging every cable, and let the cord from the antenna to the power drop to the floor by accident. Water dropped out. Apparently the antenna had weathered through and water got into the line, shutting down internet. When it dried, everything came back.

One of the reasons I delayed getting help is that we are having the very same problem at work, and we have a similar system. Guess I'd better go make a phone call...

If you happen to be lost in a giant supercomputer, cut a cat5 vine for a refreshing drink.

Crop Duster

I could totally see him mouthing "Rat-tat-tat".

Saw a crop duster on my way to work the other morning. He was working both sides of the highway, and that was as high as he would get, probably to keep motorists from driving off the road while squishing themselves down in their seats. Personally, I roll up the windows as fast as
I can and shut off the vents while speeding up. Those pesticides are bad business.

Nevertheless, it's fun to watch. That strip of green at the bottom of the photo is the field he was spraying, and he had just leveled off after climbing up out of it, and I mean out of it. I would swear that this part of Texas is pancake flat, but there are spots low enough to hide a plane for ten seconds or so.

Remember When...

...winning the war meant the issue was settled? Yeah, me neither.

Some thoughts on the thirty year anniversary of the Falklands War.

• It was a big waste of life and treasure. If the Argentines had kept up gentle but steady pressure, with face saving compromises, the Falklands would be theirs by now. The same applies to Spain in regards to Gibraltar. The United States is making the same error in regards to Cuba. No, there is no territorial claim, but isolating Cuba is the best thing that could ever happen to the government there. (Paranoid Chris thinks pinko commies in the State Dept. play a role in the embargo because they want a socialist workers paradise reservation somewhere where the culture isn't based on potatoes.)
• Nationalism really gets the people going. It's too bad the left can only see American nationalism. If any other government starts a war to bolster popularity at home, it's seen as a legitimate complaint.
• Argentina should take a long look at itself and ask why the Kelpies don't want to cross over.
• Ever since the longbow, the British make their equipment the hero. Everyone knows the Harrier won the war.
• I think more lives have been lost and more territory has exchanged hands on the assumption that "They won't fight" and "Our fighting spirit renders us bulletproof". In regards to the Falklands conflict though, sheer toughness won the day.
• Speaking of British character, that has to be the only country in the world in which sinking an enemy combatant in the middle of losing your own ships left, right and center is considered by some to be a war crime.
• The Nobel continues it's slide into irrelevancy. What ever happened to self determination, Bishop Tutu?
• What is it with the left that protests the ruling junta and thousands of missing people, then demands that a population submit to the same ruling junta?

Wasn't John Carter Like, You Know, A President?

Wet and saw John Carter this Monday. Thought it was rather good, but apparently most of the country doesn't feel that way: John Carter is on schedule to be a massive Ishtar class flop.

So what happened? I liked the movie, but I saw some standard Hollywood mishaps which are becoming more common these days.

• It should have been a B movie. A very well done B movie, but a B movie nevertheless. You have to remember the pulp roots of the story and adjust accordingly.
• And you do that by slashing the budget. One bad thing I've noticed about computer FX is the urge to cram every inch of the frame with something, usually people. The sea of green faces didn't match up with the idea of a barbarian species living in ruined cities on the edge of a wasteland. More is not better for battles; it just becomes detail-less dots rushing together devoid of excitement or emotion.
• Give us Ah-nold. Say what you will about the 80's musclemen, but no one forgot their names or faces. These days, they all look alike. Jake Gyllenhaal in Prince of Persia, that Mimosa fellow in Conan or this guy: they are all interchangeable. Bad news for the star of a franchise.
• Someone explain "John Carter". Why not call it A Princess of Mars so everyone knows what's going on form the start?
• Might want to ask where all the marketing dollars went. I had no idea it was out until I stumbled upon reviews. Contrast that to The Hunger Games, which I didn't know existed until I saw it on three or four magazine covers in the weeks before release.
• By the way, I don't think the plot is stale. Look how many times the 'future gladiators' story has been used. Hasn't hurt The Hunger Games any.
• The only problem I have with the actual story are the villains. They are just too vague in their motivations. Make them evil!
• Dump 3D. There is still no reason to make movies in 3D.
• Lastly, Edgar Rice Burroughs isn't as widely read as he used to be. Tarzan is about all he is widely known for these days, and Tarzan is so much in the cultural psyche he doesn't need an introduction. John Carter is a little different. If you don't know the books, the movie may be a bit harder to get into.

Please Tell Me That's Not An Actual Alphabet

Who is reading this kid bedtime stories?